Starting At A Late Age, Why Do I Keep Going, And How. (Performing Arts Edition)

When you go on instagram and scroll through your explore page and see dancers with extreme flexibility and beautiful arches, unbelievably balanced control and all in all a phenomenal dancer and only in the teenage years. You see actors on the silver screen at just 5 years old or younger. Then seeing people making their broadway debuts at the age of 16. And here I am, 19 years old, still struggling to get into a performing arts college. There are days where I stop and think..... why am I still trying, why do I try to reach for a dream that is so out of reach.

But then I take a step back, look at where I stand, and my choices in the past. I reflect on the reason why I still pull through and keep following this cloud-like dream.

1. Why I Keep Going

The average dancer starts at the age of 3, and in most cases, train 24/7 to achieve their desired standard.

Here's the thing, I started dancing when I was 9, and even then I didn't fully commit to the arts. It wasn't until I was 13 when I started to go the dance studio pretty much everyday (yes, I know that isn't enough). I always got self conscious dancing next to my classmates. They were doing all these leaps and turns, while I'm here struggling to get me turnout right. And that is one of my biggest obstacle, my insecurities, because I felt unworthy of dancing with them I started to drop out, and stopped taking classes.

Then I joined GYDP that gave me a sense of belonging. Like I was worth something, but when everyone in the program got accepted into HKAPA's School of Dance except me and maybe 2 others classmates. I was beyond devastated. I tried to reflect on my performance during the audition, and a small part of me (well it's actually all of me) believes it's my lack of experience and training, all my friends who got in danced since they were tiny tots. But still the rejection was still a giant bullet. (I might try again this year, keeping my hopes up and keep going),that moment honestly wavered my dance dream, there was a millisecond where I thought of giving up. Knowing that being late in the game is already a big barrier.

But then, I remembered all the adult ballet classes, all the open levels for all ages. I realized that I wasn't the only one. I realized that there are people out there, who are more mature than me. Still going after their dreams. Heck even some professional and well- known dancers started training in their late 20's. And that didn't stop them from breaking boundaries and dance their heart out.

I guess a mindset I had was that "I started at 13, and I only had 6 years of training and that's not enough to be great." Instead of "I started at 13, and I only had 6 years of training, which means I need more time to be great."

And that is why I decided to keep going, because I know that I am not alone in this.

2. How to keep going

Now here is how I keep striving for the dream.

Usually you would hear, "time is gold, you will never get it back. So hurry up and do what you have to do today." And I feel like a lot of us read this as "You fail if you don't do this today." and hinders a lot of artists. We often think that we have to achieve something in an instant in order to be successful. But that only makes us binge our process and in the end actually harms it.

Let's use playdoh as an artist's journey (I think someone has made this metaphor before... oh well. I never said I was original :P), if you slowly mould it, the playdoh will become more malleable and with patience, turns into a gorgeous sculpture. On this flip side, if you try to be fast, you might be tough on the playdoh, you won't handle it with care, there is no details, and because you are too hoarse with it, you end up breaking it, having to go back to square one.

Playdoh is like art, (both visual and performing and all kinds. But due to knowledge, I'll use performing arts.) Let's say that you are trying to gain flexibility, but you want it to be instant. So you try to do a split without warming up, you'll end up tearing a muscle and might end your dance career. Or maybe you try to belt out high notes without a proper techniques or time to learn, and end up wrecking your vocal chords. Sometimes, you have to take time to a) warm up of course and b) train at your own level so that you won't get overwhelmed and you can mould your craft until it is malleable.

This year I decided to take a GAP year (it may or may not be more than a year). And it really made me realize how I shouldn't be in a rush. And that during my high school years, I was too high strung and stressed about time. But then I entered society and I realized that even though time won't stop to wait for you, it won't eat you if you take some time off. I was always anxious and reluctant to take a break because I keep feeling a shadow looming over me that would screaming every time I took a pause. But that's not the case.

If you were't accepted into a college, try again next year. If you didn't get into a show, audition for the next one. If you didn't get that one gig, contact the next agent. If you are too overwhelmed, take a small break and get back in the game. I'm not saying a break as in forever, maybe a day or two. That's what holidays are for, to refresh and recharge.

And that my friends, is what I would remind myself when I am plateauing and how to overcome it. And I hope this will help late learners when they get a bit stuck. The reason I wrote this blog is because I always search the internet advice, and sometimes I can't find what I'm looking for. So I hope to create my own blog and give some advice (not all are good ones honestly) and contribute to society.

I may not be the biggest blogger, but hey, like they say. A little goes a long way.